The Purpose of an Affair – Why Men Cheat

The latest statistics show that nearly 25 percent of men admit to having an affair. Although acts of infidelity cause permanent, long-term (and sometimes irreparable) damage to a relationship, there is usually a reason for men to cheat. While a “reason” does not and cannot excuse the affair, understanding what might lead a man to cheat can certainly help women deal with the aftermath. In some cases, a further understanding might even help avoid being victimized at all.

One of the things we need to understand about relationships is what makes them tick. While a full review of the commitment motivators in a relationship is outside the scope of this article, there are some quick, clear basics. First off, both men and women come to expect attention in a relationship. Regardless of how well you cook or how much money you earn, stop paying attention to your partner and chances are high that they will stray. With this in mind, too much attention can also push a partner away (maybe not to cheat, however).

Another of the basic commitment motivators is admiration. Although women clearly enjoy admiration and respect from her man, men are more susceptible to these behaviors. When a woman stops admiring her man, he is more likely to seek out the admiration of another woman. Now, admiration comes in many forms. This does not suggest that a woman should be at her man’s beck and call, not at all. Something as simple as reducing or eliminating complaints and naggings could improve a man’s perception of just how much his partner admires and respects him.

What exactly does it mean when a man cheats then? Perhaps he has sensed a lack of admiration, respect and attention; cheating men claim they are unappreciated by their wives. Often, they claim they are victims of their wife’s lack of interest and attention. One wonders whether the right amount of admiration, respect and attention would dent the number of cheating men…

Another reason men might cheat is that they understand that their wives are usually extremely loyal (in contrast to the male statistic, only 14% of women cheat on their spouse). In fact, women are extremely unlikely to leave after their husband has an affair because they feel their man needs and wants them. Perhaps it is an inbred motherly instinct, but women are a lot more tolerant after an affair than a man is. Whether it is a statement of their loyalty, women are also more forgiving. With divorce statistics as high as they are, this becomes extremely important.

Now, forgiveness does not mean tolerance of affairs. Instead, by gaining awareness about infidelity, we may succeed in keeping our spouses satisfied emotionally and eliminating or at least reducing the need that men feel to seek attention, respect, and admiration elsewhere. Although no relationship can claim to be perfect, almost all of them can be made better with a small investment of effort from both parties. By increasing our attention level (such as spending more time with our spouse and taking an interest in their lives), by showing signs of admiration (such as thanking them for their contributions even if they fall short) and, finally, by showing greater respect (such as understanding our spouse is an emotional being and deserves respect) we can expect an improvement to the quality of the relationship as we see it.

Tagged with: Affairs • Dating • divorce • Marriage • relationships • society • why men cheat

Filed under: Marriage

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