Archive for October, 2008

Oct 31 2008

The Financial And Emotional Consequences Of Divorce

Filed under Marriage

There are plenty of things that a woman needs to consider before she starts divorce proceedings. Some of them are very important when children are involved. Not only do women have to think about the financial consequences of divorce but what effect it will have on their children as well.

In this article we offer a few tips that women can use to help them cope much better with the consequences of divorce. Not only do we offer some to deal with financial matters but also to help ensure that their children cope with the situation better.

The first thing we are going to look at is for ways in which a woman will be able to deal better with the financial consequences of divorce.

1. It is crucial that you before you start the divorce proceedings you claim for all the benefits that you are entitled to. This is especially important if you are woman on a low income and want to stay in the marital home to prevent too much upheaval in your children’s lives. Look to see what government schemes are available that can help to ensure that you can continue to pay even just the interest payments on your home until everything is finalized.

2. Along with looking for benefits that can help to ensure you remain in your current home look for those that could help you return to work. Many governments now offer tax credits to single mothers who want assist with their childcare costs. By being able to pay for such things it offers you the opportunity to return to work and get an income that can ensure that you and your children lead a good quality of life.

Now let us take a look at the kinds of consequences of divorce for children that you will then have to deal with.

1. Often when parents choose to divorce the children in the family may well feel that not only the parent living but the one remaining is abandoning them. This is something that very young children will find difficult to understand and cope with. If you notice any changes in your child’s behaviour then sit them down and ask them to tell you how they are feeling. You will need to sit down with them when they are calm and listen carefully to everything that they have to say.

2. Children will often be put in awkward situations by their parents when they are going through a divorce. Although this is not always the case in those situations where there is animosity between the two parents they need to try and avoid showing it in front of the children. Ideally if parents begin to argue in front of the children then it is far better if one of them walks away from the situation immediately.

About the Author:

No responses yet

Oct 31 2008

Dating Via The Internet (they Even Have Simulators!)

Filed under Marriage

Computer technology continues to evolve us culturally, especially in the social arena. Since the advent of the home computer and the Internet, many businesses have been made accessible through the World-Wide Web, including, yes, dating services. Easy access, however, does not always translate to easy success, and that is why we are presenting here our advice on using online dating services.

To begin, you must find a site that you feel comfortable using. Not an easy task when there are so many such sites out there, but a doable one. You may want to patronize the most popular site, Match.com, but there are certainly many more to select from, including those targeting singles in specific population groups, such as African-Americans or Hispanics. And for those on a budget, be aware that some services will charge for their programs, others will not.

Secondly, after you have settled on a particular service, you want to make full use of the various resources offered. A recent development is the so-called “dating simulator” (or “sim”) which helps the client get ready for the actual dating experience, enabling them to relax and be more comfortable in the real world situation. Many sims also offer helpful suggestions and tips.

In composing your dating profile, the basis for a prospective dater’s judgment of your worthiness, it is extremely important to be truthful. If you post a picture, make it one that accentuates your most attractive features. Summarize your personality rather than going into outrageous detail (nothing is more boring). Ultimately, an honest self-assessment will assure the best results.

Fourthly, be sure to regularly update your profile to keep it current with what is going on with you and your life. And, if you are not getting a reasonable number of prospects inquiring or you are getting unsuitable prospects, don’t give up on the process; adjust and refine your profile (including your pictures) until you begin to get more satisfactory results.

Fifthly, as you browse prospective daters, keep your expectations reasonable. Certainly, you hope these folks have been as honest as you in their profiles. But you also need to consider with some care what you want in a dating friend before you enter what will seem like a candy store. You want to have a manageable number of prospects to approach, rather than a lengthy list and no idea as to where to start.

If you do find someone that you may be interested in meeting, take it slow! Do not immediately decide to meet the person for a face-to-face date. Instead, chat some online. When you feel more comfortable, exchange numbers and have a few phone conversations. If you do decide to meet in person, make sure that you meet in a public place.

Using an internet dating service offers the opportunity to meet a variety of individuals who may be well suited to your personality. In the beginning, you may think a suitable match is impossible. However, you can find that special someone through an online dating site.

About the Author:

No responses yet

Oct 31 2008

How Do I Save My Relationship From Ending

Filed under Marriage

As couples spend their wedded lives, one of both of them might ponder over this question at some point in time. Being wedded calls for a constant improvement that will always benefit both of you no matter how strong the relationship is. For marriage to be kept animated and active, both the partners should do their part in giving out the best efforts that they can for the relationship. Some easy things to consider that will help you and your spouse work through your issues are:

What Exactly Is The Trouble?

Initially, what you and your spouse ought to do is to jointly analyse the real cause of the issue and discuss it without any inhibitions. This can be problematic, as it usually requires some deep probing into one’s own self. We may not always like what we see but by recognizing it, especially with your spouse, is the first step to fixing things in your marriage.

Talk To Each Other

Almost any successful relationships take pride with an open and interactive communication. It is possible that we just do not find the time for it, with our time being fully booked by work commitments, kids or other family duties. It needs to become a daily habit of quality time and you need to make time for each other and communicate. One ingredient that also plays a major role here is being honest not just to yourself but more importantly to your partner. If we try to become better listener and supporter to our spouses, we could really gain a lot that could help better our relationships so it is really recommended to give an effort to work out your communications with your spouse. The only way to reach out and find this nook is when you interact with each other.

Having High Values For Each Other Equals Respect Do You Have Any?

The kind of regard you have for each other is yet another major factor. Do you both quarrel often? Do you call each other names, abuse or blame each other all the time? candidly, it is not difficult to reach that place, when things are not looking too bright between the two of you. Previous damages inflicted in your relationship can still be easily repaired once you have high respect with one another which is truly a big thing in any relationships. Think of the first time both of you met and how much you loved each other since then - what went wrong and why?

Work On Tenderness And Intimacy With Each Other

When a marriage going through a bad patch often results in loss of intimacy and friendship and that is a big loss. Find time to be affectionate with each other once more, and this can be really helpful. One good way to restore the intimacy that was vanished is to start it off with your physical connection through making love with additional spice. sexual activity might seem out of the question at times like this, but with a bit of effort, if you can make it happen, things might start to look bright all over again. Keeping matrimony going successfully is difficult, but not impossible, provided both the partners are willing to give it another chance.

About the Author:

No responses yet

Oct 30 2008

Cheaters: Why They Do It

Filed under Marriage

If you just got married, you probably feel perfectly happy with your significant other. You feel glad that you are really get along like true soulmates. You believe that you tell each other just about anything on your minds.

People can be in love with each other, but still cheat with others. The reasons are varied, but one thing is sure: it doesn’t mean that they don’t love each other anymore. The term cheating is a general term that could describe several meaningless encounters between two people up to a full blown love affair.

Why are spouses unfaithful to each other? Some feel that, if no one knows about it that it is alright to do it, especially if their spouse doesn’t know what happened. In relationships people sometimes get bored with each other and have regrets, others feel lost and down without purpose in life, or others fight vigorously often, or others want to get back at a spouse for their past cheating ways.

What’s shocking to most people is that most cheating spouses feel unappreciated and not noticed by their spouse. There is an underlying feeling of worthlessness and low self esteem that the person feels and cheating helps to pick up self worth temporarily. When a person cheats with a new person who finds them attractive, they feel better about themselves.

Oftentimes, the cheater does not trust the other spouse, especially if they have been unfaithful in the past. The act of cheating can be the result of feelings of anger and revenge against the spouse. Instead of confronting the spouse, the cheater hides his or her anger and acts out in becoming unfaithful instead.

Believe it or not, cheating has nothing to do with how hot the other person looks. Many people have affairs with others who are not that attractive. What is important in relationships like these is there is an emotional connection that sometimes can turn sexual or into an affair.

Do some spouses catch their mate cheating? Sometimes they do, but often spouses are so busy that they are oblivious to what is going on. Some spouses will get a sixth sense that their partner’s moods are different, happier and preoccupied, or that they are concerned about their clothes or they way they look.

If couples really begin to communicate together and let each know how they truly feel, the urge to cheat may eventually stop. They will discover if the love is still there. Also, they can learn to communicate with each other so that they can grow together in maturity with compassion, love, and consideration.

About the Author:

No responses yet

Oct 30 2008

Wedding Toasts Made Easy

Filed under Marriage

You’ve just been asked to make a wedding toast at a special friend’s wedding. It’s a wonderful honor to be asked but you have never paid attention to what people actually say during wedding speeches. You also are more afraid of public speaking than rattlesnakes, earthquakes and broccoli soup with quiche combined.

The idea of being a best man is very appealing. There’s nothing you would rather do for your best bud on his wedding day than dazzle wedding guests with a superb wedding toast and share heartfelt sentiments, but public speaking and you, well those words were never meant to be in the same sentence.

So after you get that cold sweat under control, where do you start when writing and delivering a wedding toast? How do you harness the jitters and use them to your advantage. What on earth do you say, you who are known as the strong, silent type?

Here are some pointers on making a superb wedding toast.

* You can’t get started too early. It’s absolutely essential to do your homework if you want to give a successful wedding speech. Do your research. Search out books and articles on the web and in the local library on giving wedding toasts. Talk to other “best men” about their experiences.

* Face the fear and use it. It’s only energy after all! When making a wedding toast, it can be very valuable to have extra energy at hand that you can use to captivate your audience and make your wedding toast memorable. A speech without the energy of performance anxiety is lacklustre and totally lacking in passion.

* Write, edit, relax and don’t look at the wedding toast for a few days. Then repeat the process as often as necessary until you just know you have done the best job you can. Look at this as a journey and try to enjoy the whole thing, otherwise it will just seem like a chore that you want to get out of the way.

* A touch of humor is great in a wedding toast but it only works if it is gentle humor. There is no room in a wedding speech for sarcasm, spicy tidbits, gross jokes, too-personal stories, in-jokes or bad language.

* Talk about your relationship with the groom, a youthful adventure or two, about how you just knew he had met his intended when you were first introduced. In your wedding toast, say what a wonderful guy he is, how you think his bride is a great match and how great a future you believe they have together. Speak from your heart.

* Short and sweet. Don’t be tempted to go longer than five minutes max for your wedding toast.

* Mirror, mirror, who is the best prepared of all? Run through your wedding speech, gestures and all in front of a full-length mirror. Use a stopwatch.

* Grab the mike. Not literally! Try to find a few moments and stand exactly where you will be giving the wedding toast. It will help you feel more comfortable when you take the mike for real.

* Extend arm. No, you are not shaking hands; you are preparing to give the actual wedding toast. Use a full glass, raise your arm from the shoulder, and look directly at the bride and groom when you toast them. This is the last part of the wedding speech.

* Hug the groom and the bride at the conclusion of your wedding toast and then take your seat. Job well done!

About the Author:

No responses yet

Oct 30 2008

Online Dating Sims, The New Ways To Online Dating Reviews

Filed under Marriage

You know what is the best new way to online dating? Online dating sims. They have made it so easy to sign up and find a match. I checked one day on match com and I had more than 100 possible matches.

Individuals will find a variety of people that share their interests and hobbies. They can also discover exciting information from the matches that they find on the website. Online dating sims are certainly worth a shot for everyone, and enjoyment is promised.

People love online dating sims due to how easy it is to find matches. All they need to do is complete the sign up form and they are done. Finding matches online also accepts people with zero experience in online dating.

You should make a picture visible on the online dating sims page. The picture should not be faked though. If the date sees you in real life, realizes he/she has been fooled, and you really are not who you say you are, then things could get ugly.

Over time, people will get used to the new online dating experience if it is hard at first. If they start to panic, they can always talk to a friend. Talking to friends will help calm nerves and make the dating experience easier for them.

You must remember that the matches you encounter would like to have the chance to get to know you so that they can fall in love. If someone does not like you, just move on to another person. You must have confidence in yourself, for only then will you find the right person.

For most people, online dating is much better than dating in the real world. Individuals have to adjust however, but it is easier than they would expect. They just have to keep in mind why they are doing the online dating in the first place.

Lastly, remember that you are looking for the best match for yourself, and that it wonat help anybody if you arenat completely honest. Have fun and stay safe. Online dating can be the best dating experience youave ever had if you stick with it and remember why you started in the first place.

About the Author:

No responses yet

Oct 29 2008

Marriage is Hard Work But Divorce is Harder

Filed under Marriage

Divorce is a common occurrence in today’s society with as many as 50% of marriages resulting in divorce. Some speculate than one third of children are from families divided by divorce. Statistics for second or third time marriages are even more dismal. We all like to think that marriage is a holy institution that will last forever or, at least “until death do us part,” especially when it comes to our own marriages. However, wishing for this to be true and working to make this true are separate things and only one has any hope of achieving results.

We have all heard that marriage takes a lot of work. It’s a clich that’s been around for ages. Yet so many couples seem to jump into marriage and worry about the rest later. Sure, there are couples to whom a long-lasting relationship seems to come easy, but they are the exception to the rule. Couples need to realize and admit that it is difficult to make a marriage work sometimes and the only way to keep it going is to work at it.

To work effectively on a marriage, we first need to know where to focus our efforts. This may mean first spending some time reflecting on your life and your marriage to determine what the root of the problem is, rather than focusing on a string of little grievances that are easy to identify but not the true source of your unhappiness. Two of the most common problems in marriages are a lack of communication and a lack of romance, but it’s important to dig deeper to find the source of those problems and begin working on them before they become insurmountable.

It can be hard to do, but talking to your spouse about how you feel is essential in in order to resolve the problems effectively. If you can’t figure out how to open the channels of communication with your spouse, professional services can help. Counseling usually works best when both partners are present, but if your spouse is resistant to going or you feel more comfortable going by yourself, a professional can still help you learn how to express yourself better to your spouse.

There are also countless books on the market to help boost communication. This step focuses on expressing your feelings, not dealing with them just yet. When you and your partner understand each other and acknowledge the gravity of the situation, you can begin to work together.

Finally, solve the problems. Some issues are definitely easier to tackle than others while some problems may take a great deal of time and effort. Communication may prove a tougher barrier to break than creating more time for romance and intimacy.

Stubborn habits may be difficult to overcome and a help from a professional may be invaluable to creating healthier habits. It is this point where commitment and effort are necessary. We may have to face our fears, faults and weaknesses as well as show our vulnerability - all of which can be trying and uncomfortable. However, dedication can be rewarding to the end.

About the Author:

No responses yet

Oct 29 2008

Anxiety Disorder Among College Students

Filed under Marriage

College atmosphere is a stressful time for almost all students. Getting along with roommates, dealing with new social pressures, being exposed to alcohol or drugs, managing finances, meeting academic demands - all while being away from home for the first time and without familiar sources of support - can leave many students feeling overwhelmed, confused and stressed out. While much of the stress and anxiety that college students experience is normal and even healthy, some will experience chronic, relentless anxiety that may be a sign of an anxiety disorder.

In fact, according to a new study from the ADAA, colleges and universities across the 50 states are seeing a major increase in students requiring mental health services for anxiety disorders. Some students may have experienced symptoms before college that became worse upon leaving home, while others may be experiencing such symptoms for the first time (the college years are often when mental health problems such as anxiety disorders manifest themselves).

Whatever the case, it is important for college students - and their parents - to understand the symptoms, available treatment options and ways to find help for an anxiety disorder. Because of the unique changes and challenges that college students experience, leaving an anxiety disorder untreated during this crucial time in their lives can have serious consequences on their futures. This makes it of the utmost importance for students with an anxiety disorder to be treated for their condition. Read on to learn more about recognizing - and finding help for - an anxiety disorder in your college-aged child.

Anxiety disorders are a unique group of illnesses that fill people’s lives with persistent, excessive and unreasonable anxiety, worry and fear. They include generalized anxiety disorder (GAD), obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), panic disorder, posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD), social anxiety disorder (SAD) and specific phobias. Although anxiety disorders are serious medical conditions, they are treatable.

Anxiety disorders are the most common mental health disorder in children, adolescents and adults. 40 million American adults - over 18 percent of the population - suffer from an anxiety disorder each year. According to the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH), almost 75 percent of those with an anxiety disorder will experience their first episode before they are 22 years old, making awareness of these disorders among college-aged students and their parents essential.

For many of the individual anxiety disorders, the age of onset often falls during the college years. The median age of onset for OCD is 19, agoraphobia is 20, and PTSD is 23 years of age. As mentioned above, students are faced with emotional, physical, financial and other life changes during college. While the stress of these events do not cause anxiety disorders, they can serve to make the symptoms of an anxiety disorder worse or can trigger an anxiety disorder in someone who is pre-disposed.

In addition to these challenges, many aspects of a student’s lifestyle changes once he or she is away from home - which can also affect his or her mental health. Unhealthy and irregular eating and lack of adequate sleep - along with increased use of caffeine - can exacerbate anxiety problems.

Alcohol and substance use - extremely common among college students - may trigger anxiety symptoms and panic attacks, interfere with medication a student may be taking for anxiety or lead a student to alter the use of his/her medication as he/she sees fit (i.e., “I want to drink tonight, so I’m not going to take my medication”). This can be a dangerous habit. Parents should help educate students about the effects their lifestyles can have on their anxiety disorder, as well as the complex issues surrounding anxiety disorders and alcohol/substance use.

About the Author:

No responses yet

Oct 28 2008

How To Stop A Divorce - 7 Tips To Save Your Marriage

Filed under Marriage

For many couples they will find that they rush into getting divorced when by looking more closely at their relationship they could have actually prevented it from occurring. In this article we offer some tips on how to stop a divorce before it becomes too late.

Tip 1 - The first to do if you want to prevent your marriage from ending in divorce is to remember why it was that you first married each other. So start spending time with each remember those things that you did when you first started going out with each other and which you made you bond and start doing some of them again.

Tip 2 - It is important that at any stage during your marriage when there are problems that you take time out to listen to what each other has to say. It is only by listening to why your partner is feeling the way that they do will you be able to work on addressing these problems but make sure that you do so together.

Tip 3 - It is going to be hard at times to admit that you were in the wrong to your partner but if you do and put your feelings to one side then you are able to clearly demonstrate to them how right they may have been. If you find an argument becomes a little fraught then tell your partner that you need time to take in what they have said and then walk away from the argument before it has a chance to become much worse.

Tip 4 - Generally when a couple have been with each other for some time the relationship begins to lose some of the passion that was what first brought them together. If you want to prevent your marriage ending up in divorce like so many others then you need to find things to do together that will help to bring the passion back in to your marriage again.

Tip 5 - If you want to add some excitement to your marriage try and arrange to do something together which you both will enjoy doing. Even spending a small amount of time together on a weekly basis can help to the keep the flames of passion burning between you. It is worth considering doing some of the things that you did when you first started going out with each other.

Tip 6 - Sometimes you may want to make changes to your partner in order for improving the condition of your marriage, but don’t expect them to see these in the same way as you do. What you may find instead of helping to improve the relationship you have with each other it could cause them to walk away from it.

Tip 7 - Are there any unhealthy patterns in your relationship which are actually causing rifts between you and your partner. Do you find that you are doing things more and more on your own simply because they keep you out of your partner’s way. If so then you need to find out what it is you are trying to avoid and then face up to it.

About the Author:

No responses yet

Oct 28 2008

Don’t Let Your Body Language Give Away Your Affair

Filed under Marriage

The Associated Press has estimated that 22 percent of men and 14 percent of women who are married have had at least one sexual relations with someone other than their spouse. Depending on your vantage point, you are either a potential cheater or someone who thinks your partner is cheating. Either way, three key body language indicators point to adultery. If you are considering an affair or hiding one, you will want to take note of these indicators. If you are a suspicious spouse, these indicators can either confirm your suspicions or help you take your investigation to the next level.

Before we get started, consider an impaired driving checkpoint. Aside from trying to get a whiff of alcohol, the officer will take note of body language before deciding whether to pull the driver over for further investigation. The three key areas any investigator will consider are: eyes, hands, and body position.

First, the eyes. When someone is lying, chances are high that their eyes refuse to make firm contact. Liars, and cheating spouses will avert their eyes. A cheating spouse will not want to look their partner in the eye and tell an outright lie in their response to “Are you cheating on me?” or “Where were you, I called the office and you weren’t there?” or some such direct question. If you suspect your spouse of infidelity, look at the eyes. There, you will find the only answer you need. If you are cheating, practice eye contact and be aware of how your eyes move when you are asked direct questions. Either learn how to lie with sincerity while staring someone straight in the eyes or start avoid eye contact altogether.

The second indicator; the hands. Professional poker players and investigators alike look for giveaways when someone is hiding something, whether a great hand or a crime, or an affair. Whether suspects know it or not, they behave differently when under pressure or when nervous. A lot of the time, this anxiety surfaces via the hands. If a suspect fidgets with another body part or any other item (like a pen) when asked about potential infidelity, chances are they are at least nervous about the line of questioning. And in most cases, it is unlikely that someone would be nervous about something unless they are at least partially guilty. As a suspicious spouse, take note of what your spouse does with his or her hands when you start discussing your suspicions. If you are looking to start an affair, take note of how you react (in particular your hands) when you find yourself in a situation that makes you nervous (like dealing with a difficult client or delivering bad news).

Lastly, positioning. Most liars and cheating spouses in particular do not intend to hurt their victims (hence why a cheater lies to his or her spouse in the first place). As such, people who have something to hide will normally avoid direct contact with their victims. Its the basis for putting authority figures behind desks or on the phone (your banker sits behind a desk, your interviewer typically turns down your application over the phone). The reason for the desk is to put a “screen” of sort between the bad-news bearer and the subject. Cheaters do the same thing when lying. Either they shift their body so that they are not face-to-face or they use other object to put distance between themselves and their spouse. As a cheater, be aware of how you interact when your spouse. As a suspicious spouse, don’t ask your questions at times when your spouse has a screen — e.g. while doing dishes or another chore where he or she is given an easy alternative to facing you.

If you consider yourself a cheater or a potential cheater, you should take care to memorize the items discussed in this article. As a next step, visit the most-common adult dating websites and learn just how common infidelity really is… in your geographic area! You will be surprised to learn just how many folks in your city or town are as curious or interested in discretion or having an affair as you are.

If you believe there is a possibility that your spouse is cheating, the three indicators above can provide some affirmation to your suspicions. With this, it may be time to seek professional help in getting hard proof.

About the Author:

No responses yet

Older Posts »