Marriage Gold

Step One on How to Throw a Bridal Shower:

Guest List Creation

Part of being a good friend of the bride is having super sneaky tactics or Bridal Ideas which can be evolved by possibly an episode of mission impossible or something , lol and if you have herd her talk about some of her closest friends and you would like to see them show up,then one suggestion would be to grab the brides telephone book and call as many of her friends as you can find and as many as you are able to accommodate at your house that works with your bridal budget and try not to be too disappointed if not every one shows up because it will still be fun!

Research shows, that apart from really close friends, co-workers or family members, only 30 percent of the second tier friends even show up. After all they have played the bridal shower games a gazillion times and there is monetary outlay involved (getting a gift). Everyone has so many social commitments already that assume less than half of the people you invite to actually show up.

Step 2 on How to Throw a Bridal Shower: Bridal Registry

The possibility of getting four toasters and three waffle makers are very good without letting the guest know ahead of time that the couple is registered .So send out an invite and include an RSVP with it and don’t forget to mention that the couple is registered.Also getting an accurate count of the guests that are going to attend is another important thing to remember.

Planning The Venue: Step 3

The size of your budget and guest list will lead you to the decision of weather or not to have an intimate and cozy event at home or a more sophisticated and formal event.Either way the decision will be yours to dwell upon.

Deciding On The Food : Step 4

Depending on the venue, cook it yourself or asking everyone to bring in a dish or make plans on catering the food. If you choose the First option, always coordinate what each person is bringing so that you do not end up with four desserts and no salad. Assign one item to each person

Gaming Ideas : Step five

Do you want to stick to the traditional games or do you want to get creative? Search the web and you will amazed to see the myriad of varieties in shower games. To get a really new game, put a bridal shower twist on a classic. If the bride to be is very creative, gather scrapbooking and paper crafting supplies and ask each guest to make a scrapbook page for her telling her how special she is. Put them all together and gift it to the bride at the shower.

Tags: Marriage

Money is the subject that married couples argue about the most. Is it surprising that the very same subject can cause stress before the wedding? Weddings are pricy affairs and costs can spiral quickly unless a couple plans in advance. Once a budget is drawn up, it is also equally important that both parties adhere to their agreements.

Yes, making a budget isn’t as fun as other aspects of wedding planning, but it doesn’t have to be that bad. Planning the wedding without a budget however, is almost guaranteed to put a couple in serious debt. How should a couple approach the task? Open two-way communication is a must for planning a wedding, which is excellent practice for the rest of the marriage.

Couple need to be honest in their desires for the special day. While brides often assume that men don’t really care, that isn’t always the case. A marriage is a big change for a man too, and he also has his family to take into account when plans are made.

Once the excitement of the engagement wears off, go somewhere quiet and talk about what’s important to each of you in regards to your wedding day. Listening to your partner’s opinion is as important as talking so be sure to do both. Then, make a list of what you both want (to arrive in a horse-drawn carriage, lobster, renaissance theme, color scheme, etc.) and what are absolute necessities (photographer and videographer, caterer, flowers, rings, etc…). You’re going to use this information when it’s time to allocate your budget.

Number crunching is the next step once the tentative list of items is drawn up. First, the total amount that is currently available to spend (for example, in savings accounts, stocks/bonds, real estate, trust funds), and how much needs to be saved from each person’s income, and how much help with expenses can be realistically expected from others. If the wedding date is a bit distant, it may be prudent to open a higher-interest bearing account to allow additional interest to be earned.

Don’t make unrealistic estimates based on what others might cover in planning your costs. Whatever is contributed by friends or family should be accepted graciously. It would be immature to become angry or disappointed if the amount isn’t what you hoped it would be.

When you know where the money’s coming from and how much is coming, you’ll know how much you’ll be able to spend. Now make another list of all wedding-related expenses and allocate a dollar amount or the percentage you’re willing to spend next to each item. This will help when you’re actually contracting for these services. Remember that if you exceed your budgeted amount in one category, you’ll have to scale back another so your budget will stay balanced. Because budgeting is so very important for most couples, you’ll find that wedding budget worksheets, software and other tools are available everywhere, so go find one and start using it right now!

Tags: Marriage

If you are planning your wedding in the near future, don’t forget to start organizing your wedding favors as soon as possible. As a rule of thumb when organizing events, keep things simple as they have a habit of becoming complicated without any human intervention. There is no longer any need to get stressed about what favors you intend to use with the large range it should make your decision easier and take less time.

Flowers are always a favorite easy wedding favor and also so simple to arrange and then set up on the day. The big plus with this option is the ease and speed with which flowers can be organized.

A popular choice is a red rose and as a symbol of love which is very fitting at a reception. You can simply purchase one for each guest and have a member of the catering staff, a friend or family member place one rose across each place setting after the tables have been set for the wedding reception.

Unfortunately flowers do no appeal to everyone, but with three in every four receptions using candy, this is an easy wedding favor that will. Some people now use a more convenient way to present candy to their guests. All you require to make this successful is to use a large glass bowl and fill it with all your favorite candy for the guests to enjoy.

Each wedding guest can then have a small bag or box to place their favorite candy in to eat when they like. All you have to do is let each guest have the option to take whatever candy they like and you won’t have anything more to do.

If you prefer not to give your guests more to eat then another option is a small picture frame and if you like, it can be used on the day as placeholders. The only problem with giving photo or picture frames as a wedding favor is when you have to wrap each picture frame individually. However, by using the picture frames to hold the place cards, you do not have to worry about wrapping them for your guests.

Another easy wedding favor option to end this article is to arrange for a professional photographer to attend the wedding reception and take a photo of every couple as they arrive looking their best. If he brings along a printer you can distribute the photos before your guests begin to leave the reception. Everyone will appreciate this wedding favor as it is a reminder they can cherish for many years. Many professional photographers have purchased small digital projectors so there is no reason why you couldn’t request one at the reception and this way your guests could see the images that had been taken during the day.

Tags: Marriage

Parenthood can throw a real wrench into a couple’s ability to maintain their existing employment. Ideally one parent could leave work and stay home full time, but this may not be possible for financial reasons. While it can be argued that the cost of child care would all but negate that second income, it could still be possible for the couple to work on alternating shifts that make child care unnecessary. Whichever way you choose to go, you’ll be sacrificing in one way or the other.

If your plan is to work alternating shifts, you run the risk of seeing very little of each other, save for weekends. This can be hard for a new couple and a new family. Not getting to share in the joy of child rearing together could cause a good deal of emotional pain. One work-around to this is if one partner is sleeping while the other works. This is a great alternative, but unless one of the parties can get work during a midnight shift it probably isn’t feasible for one or both partners to have to sleep either during the day or afternoon.

If you’re planning to forgo the second income, you’ll likely have to take drastic measures to cut out some of your excess spending. Remember that you’re not only losing that income, but you’re also going to have additional expenses coming in from the baby. It’s the financial equivalent of a left cross followed by a right haymaker. This is often exacerbated by the fact that many new parents underestimate the additional costs that a baby will bring. Diapers and formula and by no means cheap, and you also have clothing, health care and other expenses to take into account.

It’s unlikely that your sole income will be enough to cover this without cutting back in other areas, so let’s look at a few of the areas where you make some headway on that lost revenue:

Commuting: You’ll very likely need to leave that car at home, or in the case of two vehicles, get rid of one of them for financial reasons, so this will be the perfect opportunity to start taking public transportation to work, carpooling or biking. Of course if you get an allowance from your place of employment that covers any transportation expenses, this will not be necessary, though cutting out a second vehicle would still be a good idea.

Food: Here’s another major one, and one that may also be helped inadvertently by a partner staying at home. Instead of both family members eating out at work, buying coffees on the way to work in the morning etc, you’ll only have one doing so. If you can cut that down to none, even better. You’re also less likely to go dining out with your new child in tow, so that should cut out on those expensive evenings out. Just don’t replace the dining out with ordering in, as tempting as it may be. Try to alternate the nights to each partner cooks dinner to compensate for the higher amount of home cooked meals being prepared.

Home-based income: There are certainly many opportunities nowadays for people to work at home, so this may be a viable option for the stay-at-home partner. Depending on their past work experience, they may be able to find similar work online or look into getting the skills necessary to do that or other work online. They may also consider looking after additional children in their home which can also be a lucrative proposition.

Whatever your choice, some difficult financial and consolidationdecisions will need to be made. The sacrifices will be well worth it in the long run though as you have the thrill of seeing your child grow and mature.

Tags: Marriage

There are several reasons why couples may choose to have small weddings rather than a much more elaborate and large one. The problem with a large wedding is that often the couple may find themselves still paying for the event years after it has taken place.

For many years now because of celebrity weddings being shown on TV, elaborate and expensive ones have proved to be very popular. Yet now people are starting to see the smaller wedding as being more acceptable and are coming back into vogue. For those who are looking for a wedding that is more intimate and personal then this is the best type of wedding for them.

But although your wedding may be small it does not mean it has to be informal, simple or cheap. Certainly a small wedding will not be as expensive as a large wedding because guest’s numbers are much less but you can still make it lavish if you want.

In fact when it comes to a small wedding we are talking about the number of guests that the bride and groom will invite to the event. These are the kinds of weddings where the bride and groom will only choose to invite very close relatives and friends to help them celebrate such a momentous day in their lives.

Because the guest numbers are much smaller with this wedding the bride and groom are able to focus more of their time and energy into the areas of their wedding that they consider to be important. Certainly this may well mean that they are able to actually have their wedding and honeymoon abroad rather than at home.

Certainly more and more people who choose a small wedding have a much larger selection of destinations where this happy event can take place. Along with the Caribbean many couples are choosing some unique places for their weddings to take place in. Some couples go for the glitz and glamour of Las Vegas whilst others have had theirs at an old castle or at a mountain lodge.

For those who are on a tight budget and travelling is out of the question you can still make a small wedding on limited funds a very special day. Often a major cost of a wedding goes into hiring a room or booking a hotel for their reception, instead why not hold this at a family members home or at the bride and grooms favorite restaurant.

As you can see from above a small wedding can be as elaborate as you want it to be. Just what kind of small wedding you choose to have will depend on how much you are willing to spend. But what is important to remember is that this is your special day and it is one that you and your guests should enjoy and remember for years to come no matter what size it is.

Tags: Marriage

Autumn weddings are so popular and there’s a very good reason for this. All of the wonderful wedding colors can make the day so much more special when seen alongside beautiful autumn colors. There are many different autumn colors which are suitable for weddings, there are a lot of options when considering planning your autumn wedding. You will need to have some idea of some sort in order to be able to plan the event properly.

Main Color Scheme

You should start by thinking about what your autumn wedding is going to be like, also decide on the main color scheme of your wedding. If you want to create a nature theme then you should choose a color scheme to suit this. It makes it much easier if you choose colors which tie in with your theme and it also makes it much more believable. You will also need to consider the color of all of the dresses, both the bridesmaids and the bride’s dresses. You should also think about the colors which you will use to decorate the tables at the reception and also the colors of the flowers used in the bouquets and the centerpiece.

Once you have chosen beautiful autumnal colors for your wedding you then need to get your hands on some swatches or photos so that you can plan the perfect event. You need to blend the colors carefully so that you can create the best effect. These colors should be worn by the key people in the wedding and also used throughout the decorations. This will help if you shop for the right colors from the start and will improve the chances of your wedding being a huge success. You should shop around and start choosing colors and buying bits and pieces well before your wedding is due to take place.

There is a lot of planning which needs to be done in order to make your wedding a success, and so you need to allow yourself plenty of time to do this. You must find the right items so that you can create convincing color schemes. You should also think about the clothing, flowers and the decorations which you are going to be using. You need to make sure that you have enough time to look for everything that you want to buy.

Another important thing which you must consider in order to make your wedding a success is to choose the perfect wedding dress for the bride. Brides like to be the centre of attention while showing off their diamond engagement rings and so would like to feel beautiful in a very nice dress. Of course this is something that the man cannot see before the big day, so you are on your own deciding that one! In order to make the day even more special you should choose which wedding cake you want well in advance as this will help to set off the whole event.

Tags: Marriage

Weight loss is not just a matter of energy in, energy out, as most diet companies would have us believe. Just as important as these 2 factors is our metabolic rate, but few people understand how lifestyle factors, including sexual relationships, impact on metabolic rate.

If your sexual relationship provides the deep emotional bonding and satisfaction that you desire, then it provides a boost to your wellbeing, including to your metabolic rate! A healthy sex life can be very important to weight loss!

The problem with “diet and exercise” approaches to weight loss is that they fail for nearly 100% of people, and that’s because they don’t even touch the reasons for the overweight in the first place. By attending properly to lifestyle issues, you won’t ever have to worry about overweight again!

Although there are a myriad of lifestyle changes that can add immeasurably to your health and your enjoyment of life, and make important contributions to weight loss, this article has been written to help you understand and work through aspects of your most intimate relationship.

Your Most Intimate Relationship - Why It’s Important

From “fast-food” sex to “gourmet” sex, intimate partners usually have a range of sexual styles or experiences but what they all have in common is that they are expressions of intimacy that non-verbally communicate the state of the relationship as well as the wellbeing (or otherwise) of the partners at that time.

Sex is just as important a vehicle for communication as any other communication you could possibly have with your loved one. See if you can apply the same considerations to your sexual communication as you do to other less intimate conversations!

Being on the Same “Wavelength

When intimate partners don’t share the same sexual language, or aren’t on the same “wavelength” they risk destructive fallout from misunderstanding each other. This can be as mild as a feeling of disappointment or confusion, or as devastating as actual hurt feelings or burning resentment.

This is not so much to do with technique, but rather with things like the amount of eye contact, the facial expressions, or the noise you make (or don’t make). In conversation “body language” accounts for a very important 70% or more. In sex, it’s practically all about body language.

What happens when you take the time to really notice your partner’s non-verbal expressions and mirror those back? What difference does it make to the quality of the experience for both of you?

Compatibility

Obviously not every partnership is between people who are naturally compatible. Different body clocks may have libido rising at completely different times and there’s not much you can do about that if your libidos virtually live in different time zones.

Perhaps she is like many women who tend to feel the cold and who sleep so much better wrapped up in flannalette pj’s. If he finds the flannelette a most unsavoury companion and can only become sexually interested if she’s wearing not much at all, there is also a problem!

He prefers sex that is deathly silent, with no eye contact, and she likes “connection”, eye contact, and racy conversation!

Or perhaps he likes to wear women’s clothing but she perceives that as being unmasculine and not in any way sexually interesting to her.

Couples can and do overcome these barriers, with a lot of love, a lot of commitment, and sometimes a lot of therapy.

Left alone, left unspoken, these types of incompatibilities can cause raging resentment that eventually implode the relationship. If you have these kinds of incompatibilities, then the best thing to do is to be very honest and open about them, very respectful of each other’s differences, and work, if necessary with a therapist, to resolve them happily.

In an ideal world we would have enough confidence and self-assurance to be open about these things from the beginning. This would be of enormous assistance to young people (and older ones) in determining compatibility from the start of a relationship, instead of years down the track when so much more is at stake.

Because this next item is so important …..

Honesty

So many relationships stagger on with very little sexual honesty. I’m not talking about infidelity here, but the sexual dishonesty of holding back one’s true thoughts and feelings about sex, and in a cowardly or resigned way, giving up on making that all it could be. And the longer it goes on like this, the harder to face up to it, and the harder to now communicate the truth.

But that’s what you need to do if you’re committed to building (or rebuilding) a truly fulfilling intimate relationship.

Have you heard the old joke about women faking orgasms but men faking relationships? Well really they’re one and the same when it comes to unsatisfactory marriages. A faked orgasm is a lie, pretending that an encounter is fulfilling when it is anything but.

And unfortunately “faking” soon becomes the closest the woman will get to orgasm because in terms of behaviour theory, she has trained herself to associate this “fake” state with sex. I knew one woman who decried the fact that she even faked orgasm during masturbation!

So putting up with unsatisfying sex is harmful for the individual as well as for the relationship itself.

A good way to deal with this is to take a deep breath and actually write down:

1) What is not happening during sex that you want to happen, 2) What is happening during sex that you don’t want to happen, 3) The words you might actually speak to your partner, or the things you might actually do, to clearly communicate your wants

I know this can seem very confronting to think of diving in like this, so you might like to do some reading about easier ways to pre-frame requests, and how to consider and then accept/reject criticism (or perceived criticism), as well as ways to ask for what you want in ways that are more likely to be accurately understood. All of these things are covered in my book “Intimate Partners”.

Time Out Alone

An intimate relationship IS intimate because of its exclusive and private nature. Without privacy and exclusivity the experience of intimacy is drastically reduced, and so is the quality of the relationship.

It can be challenging to get exclusive and private time together with the busy-ness of modern life, especially if working hours are long, or there are small children, or elderly parents living in the home. But in all cases your household must revolve around the intimate partners, especially for the sake of the children. The quality of your relationship together is the foundation of their wellbeing, growth and development, and you have a responsibility to keep that foundation strong.

Sorting Out those Sex Issues

Human adults need a deeply satisfying sexual relationship in very much the same way as they need good, nutritious food in order to be healthy both physically and mentally. However many couples “settle” for a relationship that is not at all satisfying - sometimes because they don’t know what to do, and sometimes because they’ve given up hope. This situation is damaging for the relationship, for the partners, and for others who depend on them for their own wellbeing.

Please do have hope; please do make the effort, and seek out any support you need in order to make this part of your life everything it can be.

With your sexual life in great shape, you know that’s one aspect of your life that is certainly supporting your general health and wellbeing, and definitely performing as a plus when it comes to naturally maintaining that ideal weight.

Tags: Marriage

The lazy, warm days of summer and the cooler temperatures of autumn with beautiful hues of gold and red are the perfect times to plan a romantic picnic with some delicious wines from wine gift baskets you have on hand. The warmer temperatures of summer call for lighter wines such as a crisp Chardonnay with subtle hints of citrus, a light, refreshing Sauvignon Blanc or a fruity Pinot Grigio, all of which perfectly complement lighter dishes of fish, pastas and summer salads.

Imagine a serene summer backdrop of water, hills and tall trees glaring from a distance. The sun is just hiding beneath thin clouds and colorful flowers with their fragrance surrounding the sweet table for two. You can almost taste the mouthwatering finger foods you share with your beloved seated across the table.

But summer isn’t the only good time for a picnic. A crisp day in the fall is also a wonderful time for you to be alone outdoors with your sweetheart. Find a wooded area where there is an explosion of reds, oranges, and yellows in the treetops and on the ground. Being surrounded by so much color will literally take your breath away.

You can surprise your sweetheart with a perfect Sunday afternoon. A leisurely drive to the country to see all of nature’s beauty, paired with a romantic picnic and wine, makes for a fabulous weekend. Slightly more substantial drinks like cherry Pinot Noir, sturdy Merlot or Sheraz wines, or ruby red Port go well with the cooler days of autumn.

Gourmet gift baskets are just what the love doctor ordered for a romantic picnic. Whether you’d like your picnic to be a simple finger food affair or an elaborate three-course meal is up to you. But you don’t have to put a lot of work into a perfect picnic. When you’re with company, you can even make a spur of the moment picnic happen with just a few simple selections that you can pull straight from a holiday gift basket. An elegant cheese spread, fresh fruit, a tasty baguette, and a sumptuous wine are all you need.

Everyone has at least a few gift baskets lying around that haven’t been opened yet. Why not break them out and use the contents for your next picnic? If you want to top off the meal with a decadent dessert, bring along something tasty from a chocolate gift basket. For an extra-special sweet, try dipping ripe, red strawberries in melted dark chocolate drizzled with white chocolate.

An appetizing dessert adds sweetness and fun to an already romantic picnic date. This is the time to enjoy those tempting gift baskets you brought to liven up your dessert presentation. It is always very nice to have a chocolate gift basket waiting after that romantic meal. Fruits and nuts coated with melted white and dark chocolate always make for a delicious dessert.

Tags: Marriage

Making a timely effort to purchase an all inclusive honeymoon package will save you not only a lot of money and time, but also free you from a lot of stress that usually accompanies the travel arrangements surrounding that first vacation you will be taking as a married couple. As such there is a plethora of options open to you, yet by and large the all inclusive honeymoon package is still the most cost effective way of traveling and enjoying one another after the big day.

What makes these all inclusive packages such a wonderful buy is the fact that the options are plentiful and unlike some of the old variations of such packages, one size is no longer thought to fit all by any stretch of the imagination!

Consider the ample benefit you will reap of no longer having to pour over travel brochures, seeking to plan transportation, accommodations, reservations for the most worthwhile landmarks and museums, all the while planning an elaborate wedding! Remember also that no matter how meticulously you plan your honeymoon and no matter how timely your bookings, the odds of something going wrong are nonetheless good. By investing in an all inclusive honeymoon package you ensure that someone else will have the burden of substituting trips or accommodations with those that are comparable.

Of course, the true value lies in the fact that in addition to saving you time and effort, as well as money, these kinds of packages also ensure that you will have some entertainment and activities to look forward to! You will also be granted many picture posing opportunities. Fine dining will be at your beck and call, dancing a possibility, and if you so choose and opt for a cruise package, many an exotic locale will await you and your new spouse!

The financial rewards of course surpass simply the fact that the packages are all around cheaper than attempting to book each and every item on the itinerary by itself. Instead, the ease with which you can add line items to your itinerary and also subtract them will ensure that your budget is well considered prior to making any decisions with respect to expenditures. No longer will you have to fret over how to afford the trip but instead you know ahead of time the price that your package will cost and whether or not it fits within the confines of your budget.

The fact that you can give your credit cards a rest during an all inclusive trip is a welcome relief for those who thus far have perhaps faced the very real danger of overspending in other areas, just to pull of the wedding of their dreams. So go ahead and create the vacation package that will match the wedding of your dreams!

Tags: Marriage

Few people understand the array of lifestyle factors that impact on metabolic rate and weight loss, and typically there is no examination of the health of our most intimate relationship.

There is no doubt that a healthy metabolic rate requires a healthy lifestyle, and a healthy sex life is part of that for almost all adults. If you are working toward weight loss, it’s sensible to consider that this area of life might also need improvement.

The reason why diet companies fail to help nearly 100% of their clients is that they fail to understand the reasons for the weight gain in the first place. But when lifestyle factors all support health, overweight and obesity disappear - no dieting or harsh exercise routines required!

I’ll be writing about other lifestyle factors in other articles about weight loss, but this article is specifically about one factor: the state of your most intimate relationship.

The Importance of Your Most Intimate Relationship

Although intimate partners experience different kinds of sexual expression together, ranging from “fast-food” sex to “perfunctory” sex to “gourmet” sex, in every case they are communicating to each other their state of wellbeing, and the state of wellbeing of the relationship itself.

Sex is as much about communication as is any other interaction that you, as intimate partners, could possibly have. And the same considerations apply to sex as apply to purely verbal communication!

Are You Talking the Same Language?

Do you and your partner share the same sexual “language”? If you don’t you may be mis-communicating, or misunderstanding each other, leading to disappointment, hurt, or resentment.

In sex this isn’t really about technique (although of course that’s important!) but about the non-verbal communication that you both engage in. When are you silent, what sounds do you make, what eye-contact do you have, what facial expressions? Are these similar, or is there a big mismatch?

What happens when you take the time to really notice your partner’s non-verbal expressions and mirror those back? What difference does it make to the quality of the experience for both of you?

Being Compatible

It’s quite possible for partners to be sexually incompatible even though they may match well in other ways. For example she may tend to be aroused only in the early-to-late evening and tend to be irritable if woken in the wee hours of the morning. If he seems to experience arousal only in the hours before dawn, there is a serious problem!

Many women wear little or nothing to bed in their younger days, but become very sensitive to the cold as they age and need to be wrapped up snugly in flannalette in order to sleep well. If the husband perceives this as a turn-off, then there is also an incompatibility!

He prefers sex that is deathly silent, with no eye contact, and she likes “connection”, eye contact, and racy conversation!

Or perhaps he likes to wear women’s clothing but she perceives that as being unmasculine and not in any way sexually interesting to her.

Couples can and do overcome these barriers, with a lot of love, a lot of commitment, and sometimes a lot of therapy.

However if these types of incompatibilities are not worked on, or are left unspoken, they can and do eventually undermine the relationship. The best thing to do is to admit the mismatches openly and honestly, maintain respect in relation to each other’s differences, and if necessary elect to work with an experienced therapist to get help to resolve them.

If only we lived in the sort of ideal world where people were more aware of the variety of human nature, were able to acknowledge and accept their own characteristics, and feel comfortable and confident in sharing those with potential partners. I’m sure the divorce rate would plummet.

And that brings us to .

The Vital Importance of Honesty

There is so little sexual honesty in so many relationships. I’m not referring to outright lying or cheating here, but a betrayal just as insidious: the holding back of true feelings, the silence in the face of inadequacy, the “giving up” on the whole deal. Sadly, after years of “settling” for fairly lousy sex, it can be enormously difficult to now be open and honest.

But that’s what you need to do if you’re committed to building (or rebuilding) a truly fulfilling intimate relationship.

We’ve all heard the joke about women faking orgasms while men fake relationships, but you should realise that faking an orgasm IS faking the relationship. A faked orgasm is a way of saying “I’m bored now”, “I want this over with” or “I can’t connect with you”.

This faking has more consequences. Practised often enough it can become so habitual that the woman is unable to achieve the real state.

So you can see that “settling” when it comes to your sexual relationship is not good for your relationship, or for you personally!

One of the best ways to deal with this is to take courage and actually write down (because it can be more comfortable to write it than say it):

1) What is not happening during sex that you want to happen, 2) What is happening during sex that you don’t want to happen, 3) The words you might actually say to your partner, or the things you might actually do, to communicate your wants

For most people this is very unfamiliar territory and it could help your comfort to practice a little first. You might benefit from reading chapter 4 of my book “Intimate Partners”, where you learn to pre-frame a request (and also respond resourcefully to criticism) and chapter 6, where you’ll learn to ask more directly for what you want!

Your Time Out

What makes an intimate relationship intimate is it’s exclusivity and privacy, so without sufficient experience of privacy together, and without that feeling of exclusivity, intimacy can struggle to survive.

I know it can be very difficult to get that kind of privacy together when you’re leading a very busy life, particularly if you’re the parents of young children. But remember that the quality of your relationship together provides the foundation on which your children can grow and develop into healthy, happy adults themselves. You have a really serious responsibility to make that foundation as healthy and strong as you can.

Sorting Out those Sex Issues

Human adults need a deeply satisfying sexual relationship in very much the same way as they need good, nutritious food in order to be healthy both physically and mentally. However many couples “settle” for a relationship that is not at all satisfying - sometimes because they don’t know what to do, and sometimes because they’ve given up hope. This situation is damaging for the relationship, for the partners, and for others who depend on them for their own wellbeing.

This article can’t possibly hope to be a complete sex manual for every issue that might impact on your sex life, and even if I were to present you with hundreds of pages of information, it might not be quite what you were looking for. That’s why it’s important to seek out specific support if you decide that this part of your life could do with an overhaul.

With your sexual relationship in great condition, you can be confident that it’s supporting your health and wellbeing, and thus helping you to maintain a naturally healthy weight, permanently.

Tags: Marriage